More tranny stories later!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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