on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
