Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
