I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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