Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
