The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
