if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
