why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
