You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
