your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
