Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
