there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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