If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
