apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
