you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3pm strippers are depressing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
