Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
