My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
