I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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