I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
