haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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