do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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