So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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