there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
