I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
