Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
