We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's shark week go big or go home
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
