I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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