Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
