no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize