ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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