we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
