end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
