Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
