why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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