Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
