I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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