so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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