Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
