Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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