I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
