All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
