Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
