We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
