I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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