Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
