I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
