dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
