I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
