I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
