Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet