riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.