I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?