I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...