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Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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