Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.