i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.