yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
