I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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