Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
