But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
