Me too!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
