No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
