I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
