I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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