i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
