Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
