I accidentally had phone sex last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
