Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
