just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
