I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
