Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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