If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the day after is always just damage control
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
